Living in the Kingdom: Honoring God – Matthew 19

Living in the Kingdom

Introduction

• Marriages are failing. The divorce rate in many countries is nearing 50%.
• Children are abandoning the faith. Three out of every four youth leave the church when they leave home.
• Materialism is an epidemic.

But these are not new issues. God knows the struggles that we face. And He has told us what we need to know to live in the kingdom and honor Him in all these areas of our our lives.

Today we will see in Matthew 19 what God’s word says about how to:

• Honor God with your marriage.
• Honor God with your children.
• Honor God with your money.

Read Matthew 19:3-9, 13-22

I. Honor God With Your Marriage

The Pharisees ask Jesus about divorce. Their question is not sincere. They are trying to test Jesus and find grounds for accusing Him. But Jesus is not phased. Jesus does not avoid it just because it was a controversial issue. And today we will not avoid it either.

A. Back to the Beginning –

Jesus’ answer is clear. He says, “Have you not read?” In other words, God’s plan for marriage is already clearly seen in Scripture and they should know it. Jesus’ answer takes people back to creation. He quotes from Genesis 2:24-25 and says, he “made them male and female, ‘therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.‘”.

From the very beginning God made His design for marriage clear. He established marriage. It is between one man and one woman. It requires a leaving of parents and it requires a cleaving to one another.

By quoting Genesis, Jesus shows that this is not a cultural principle. It is not a principle which changes for different times or different places. It is a universal principal rooted in creation itself where God revealed His perfect plan for marriage. It is a universal principle for ALL people, for ALL cultures, for ALL times. This clearly refutes many of the modern world’s excuses for allowing divorce. They say, “Marriage is outdated. The world is changing. Society has advanced beyond marriage.” Society has changed, but God’s truth never changes.

His design for marriage is the same today as it was in the time of Jesus, which is the same as in the time of Adam and Eve. GICF has people from at least 50 different countries. Your culture may have a different standard on this issue than mine. In some cultures, divorce is frowned on. In others it is a commonplace and accepted. The divorce rate in America, Europe, and Russia is around 50%. In Columbia 9% and in Ghana 6%. It doesn’t matter what your culture’s standard is. We have one Lord. And we live by one absolute truth, which we can find in His Word.

B. Moses limits an existing practice –

The Pharisees are trying to find some loophole in what Jesus says so they ask in verse 7 why Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and send his wife away. If you want to read about this, you can find it in Deuteronomy 24:1-5. Why would Moses allow this? If you read the passage what Moses says is this:

• If a man divorces his wife and

• If the lady gets married again and

• If she gets divorced again

• Then she cannot go back to her first husband

Moses was describing an existing practice of divorce rather than prescribing this method for divorce. Moses then limits this practice by declaring that a spouse twice divorced could not go back to their first spouse. By closing this loophole it would make divorce a lot less attractive for people who thought they could always go back to their first spouse later on with no problem. He is restricting divorce, not endorsing it.

Jesus says it was only because of their hardness of heart that Moses did not go even farther to restrict divorce. One-man- one-woman -marriage for life, THAT is God’s natural design.

God hates divorce –

Jesus’ conclusion in verse 6: What therefore God has joined together let no man separate. Jesus’ answer is clear. Divorce is against God’s plan for marriage from the beginning. Divorce is sin.

Read Malachi 2:16 “For I hate divorce, says the Lord.”,

Romans 7:2-3, “For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband. So then, if while her husband is living she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress though she is joined to another man.”

Are there exceptions?

So are there any exceptions? Only one possible exception is mentioned, sexual immorality. There are different opinions on exactly what this is referring to. A strong case can be made that this situation is referring to the Jewish custom of betrothal and not marriage. If during the betrothal period one side discovers the other has been unfaithful then he or she is allowed to divorce and get married to someone else. Remember Joseph’s reaction when he found out Mary was pregnant? He decided to divorce her. And the text says that he was a “just” man to make this decision. This is likely the type of situation which is referred to here. One reason this interpretation is likely is that the general Greek word for sexual immorality is used, not the specific word for adultery. Matthew uses both in his gospel so it seems that adultery of a married spouse is not what Jesus refers to here. There are different opinions on this and I don’t have time today to dive more in to the details. If you want to read more about this view, I have printed some articles in the back by John Piper. After studying it, I believe this is referring to betrothal. Please do not stone me if you disagree.

Whether or not this refers only to betrothal, it is helpful to consider other principles found in other Scriptures. We are commanded to forgive. Jesus told Peter to forgive seventy times seven times. We are commanded to love. We are to overcome evil with good.

So tell me, is it biblical for a wife whose husband has been unfaithful (or vice-versa) to cast them out and immediately seek a divorce? Of course not. The biblical response is to forgive and welcome the offending party back. Seek reconciliation, not divorce.

Some may ask, “What happens if one side is doing it over and over again?” Go ahead and ask… I am glad you asked! What did God do when people sin over and over again? He forgives. So should you.

We cannot control what others do, but only what we do. And in Romans12:18, we are commanded, “As far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.” I want to exhort you today. If your marriage is in trouble, don’t give up! God does not give up on us and you should not give up on your spouse. There is still hope. I beg you, do everything in your power to reconcile and pray that God will do a miracle.

Jesus goes even farther in these verses to forbid divorce and remarriage. In these verses Jesus makes it clear that divorce and remarriage is committing adultery.

The world takes divorce and remarriage very casually. God is not casual about this. Brothers and sisters, we must not allow the world’s low standards to creep into God’s church and our families. We must be vigilant to defend truth and defend the sanctity of marriage.

Application:

So how can we apply this passage to our lives?

If you are married you should make the commitment that you will never consider divorce as a plan B. There is no plan B, amen? You made a vow. Now keep it! If you are single, you should have the conviction before you ever get married that it is a lifetime commitment.

Practical ways to build up your marriage –

However, believers need to aim much higher than just “not getting a divorce.” Is “not getting a divorce” an acceptable goal? Is that all we want out of our marriages? Many couples share the same roof, but are distant emotionally, spiritually, and physically. This is not God’s desire for marriage. Is your marriage the best that it can be?

Here is a list of some practical ideas for husbands to strengthen your marriage (because of time we will go through these quickly):

• Spend time together in the word and prayer.

• Find time while you are out to call or text your wife. Ask her how she is doing.

• Be romantic. Surprise her with gifts or love notes.

• Kiss her at anytime and “kiss her like you mean it.”

• Go out of your way to say kind words. Don’t be critical.

• Dates.

• Serve her. Give her some time to rest. Offer to cook and watch the kids while she does something she enjoys.

• Turn off the electronics and TALK with your wife. Do not just talk or grunt, “eh” while looking at your phone or computer.

• Develop mutual hobbies.

• Plan a getaway with your wife not from your wife.

• Learn your wife. What is your wife’s dream vacation? What is your wife’s favorite food? What is your wife’s love language? What is your wife’s favorite hobby? What is your wife’s favorite book? Understand her. (1 Peter 3:7)

• Be a gentlemen. Carry the heavy items (like baby). Open the door for your wife. Pull out the chair for your wife. Give your wife the seat on the subway/bus. Go out of your way to show you care…every…single…day.

• Pick up after yourself. Don’t leave your clothes and shoes and dishes everywhere.

• Play with your children. This one will indirectly help your marriage. Don’t push all of the “watching kid duty” to your wife. Just as being a good husband is an important aspect of being a good father, being a good father is an important aspect of being a good husband. Don’t just give your kids an ipad. Play. With. Them. Play freeze tag. Play hide and go seek. Play imagination games like keeping house or army, etc. Play sports with them. Teach them life skills like how to ride a bike and how to swim. Tell them stories. Your wife will love you if you do these things and so will your kids.

Wives, did you like the above list? Well, you are not off the hook either.

Here are a few practical things you can do to strengthen your marriage:

• Food. Guys love it. Someone very wise once said the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

• Build up your husband. Be supportive of his work and his career and his ministry. Say positive things about him both in public and in private.

• Do not nag. Don’t try to correct every small flaw you see in him. You don’t need to remind him every time to put away his shoes, to not eat in bed, to stop eating unhealthy food. You are not his mother. And he is a man, not a child (even though he may act like one sometimes). Find the right time to discuss issues rather than every time one by one.

• Be content. A man may feel self-worth in correlation to how well he takes care of his family. Do not complain about your house or living conditions. Instead be verbally appreciative and supportive.

• Be sensitive. If he is just back from a long day at work it may not be the right time to share all of your day’s difficulties on him.

• Be romantic. Surprise your husband. Use your creativity and imagination.

• Do not make big decisions or spend lots of money without talking to your husband first (husbands should also talk to wives first before doing this). The Bible says for wives to respect their husbands. God knows that husbands want to feel respected so do so by consulting them instead of acting on your own.

• Offer to watch the children while he goes out to play a sport. Even better, offer to go with him to watch him play. Even best, offer to go out and play with him.

• Be a good mother. Make time to spend with them doing fun things. Be creative. Do art or music or cooking with your kids. Your husband will love you and respect you more as he sees and appreciates how you treat the children. At the same time, do not ignore your husband in favor of the new baby or young children.

There are just a few ideas, But you know your own spouse. Don’t be satisfied with a marriage that scores a 5 out of 10 or an 8 out of 10. Make it better. The marriage relationship is work. A good relationship doesn’t come naturally or easily. Choose several of the ideas on the list and start doing them regularly. If you do, you will find that your marriage will be much more rewarding than before.

What about singles? For singles, here are some things you can do to prepare for a strong marriage.

1. 1. Focus on glorifying God now as a single. Instead of setting your mind on marriage. Set your mind on the things above.

   2. Be equally yoked. Marry a believer so that you can have a marriage which honors God.

   3. Discuss important issues together and find agreement BEFORE marriage.

   4. Observe your potential spouse in real life situations to get to know them as well as possible. Some people say, “he changed after we got married!” He probably didnt. You just didn’t know him well.

   5. Study the Word and Christian books to learn as much as possible about having a strong marriage before getting married.

   6. Set clear guidelines for any relationship in order to both limit temptation and set a wise, course.

   7. Get Christian counsel and accountability partners.

   8. Do not say “I do” unless you are sure. No matter how much you want to get married. One thing that is definitely worse than being single is being married to the wrong person.

II. Honor God With Your Children

We should raise our children to be disciples of Jesus – People were bringing their children to Jesus so that He would pray for them. And the disciples stop them. Why? Likely the disciples were trying to conduct some crowd control in order to keep Jesus from being too busy. Therefore only the most pressing cases or VIPs would make the cut. Perhaps they even doubted if the children could understand Jesus’ message. In any case, they weren’t high priority to the disciples. But they were to Jesus. In Mark 10 it says he was indignant with them.

To some people, children are an inconvenience. They take a lot of time to care for. Sometimes they are loud. They make messes. They break things. They wake you up in the middle of the night. They cost money. But Jesus likes children. They are a blessing. He didn’t say He was too busy. Neither did he say they couldn’t understand.

I have heard people asked questions like the following:

• “Shouldn’t you let your child grow up first and make a decision by himself?”

• “Can a child really understand the Bible?”

To answer these questions, we need look no farther than this passage. Jesus has answered them already. He said, “Permit the children to come to Me…for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.” The answer is very clear. Children can be part of the kingdom of God. In fact, in some ways they are the kingdom’s model citizens! This means that they can understand the Bible and that “yes,” they should be taught it.

The world does not want us to teach our children the things of God. When the world says, “Wait to teach your child about the Bible until he grows up” what it means is, “Wait until we have finished brainwashing your child so that by the time you teach him the truth, he will not believe it or you anymore.”

Understand this very clearly. Jesus wants the children to go to Him. Satan does not. There is a huge battle for the minds and souls of our young ones. And Satan uses the world to try to prevent our children from coming to the Lord.

• Schools brainwash our children with atheism, evolution, materialism, and relativism. The entire system is in direct opposition to the teaching of God’s Word. This type of brainwashing is nothing new. In Daniel 1, Neb takes a group of Jewish teenagers. He sends them to a three year Babylon university course. They were to learn the culture, knowledge, science, and religion, all the Babylonian perspective. Their names which showed their belief in God were changed to names honoring Babylonian gods. For most people, this brainwashing was very successful. Almost every single official in the kingdom bowed down to the idol the king set up. The same thing is happening today. I have been on a number of campuses and found that the students almost all believe the same thing. When I ask what people believe they say, “myself.” They believe in evolution. They seek after wealth. They say truth is relative. Why? Why does everyone believe the same thing? It is not a complicated answer. This is what they have been taught from when they were a child. They have been taught the same thing, so they believe the same thing. If you do not faithfully teach your children the things of God while they are young, the world will do your job for you and by the time they grow up it will be too late.

• Media also heavily influences children. According to a study, children between 8-12 in the US spent 6 hours per day on digital media and teenagers spent 9. And that is NOT including homework. I have met parents who tell me that they regularly use Ipads to babysit their children. When I asked why, the answer: “He cries if I don’t give it to him.” (Repeat) What are kids learning? They are learning what the world wants them to learn.

Jesus said, “Permit them to come to Me.”

Parents, you have a very important responsibility before God to do everything you can to raise up your child to know the Lord. The world says, “Wait until they grow up when they can make up their own minds.” Do you wait until they grow up to teach your child not to eat too much candy? Do you you wait until they grow up to teach your child not to hit his friends? Or should you wait until he is old enough to discern if they are true or not? Your job is to teach your children the truth. Yes, teach them the truth of math or other academics. But far more important, teach them the truth of the Word. And it is never too early to start. See Proverbs 22:6. “Train up a child in the way he should go,
Even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

One day you will stand before God and give an account for how you raised your children. The worst possible thing I can imagine as a father is if one of my children stand at the judgment and fail and are sentenced to an eternity in hell. What can I do, what can you do, so that they can be ready?

• Teach your children the Word from a young age. Make it simple. Make it clear. Make it fun. For example, I use different voices when reading the Bible to them, just like I do in other books. Sometimes we act out the stories. Sometimes I ask them to tell me the stories. Sometimes I ask them to color a picture of what they learned.

• Ask them lots of questions. Through questions you can make sure they understand. It is more powerful and easier for them to remember than simply telling them all the answers.

• Talk about the things of God wherever you are. In addition to having times of family Bible study, you should make it a habit to talk with them at home or out on the way. By talking about the Word in natural settings they can better understand how to apply it to their everyday lives.

• Do not rely on the pastor or Sunday School teacher or Christian school teacher. These can be good helpers. But it is your responsibility first and foremost.

• Pray. Pray. Pray.

III. Honor God with Your Money

Question: “Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

Answer: “Why are you asking me about what is good? There is only ONE who is good.”

At first glance it might appear that Jesus was denying the fact that He was good. But if you read it carefully, He is not. Instead He is pointing out a flaw in the man’s thinking. The man called Him, “Good Teacher.” He thought of Jesus as a good person, but not divine. Many people today also say that Jesus was a good person, but they deny that He is the Son of God. Jesus wants this young man to think deeper. God is the only one who is perfectly good. Therefore there are two choices.

Choice #1 – Jesus is not divine and is therefore not good.

Choice #2 – Jesus is good and is therefore divine.

Choice number 2 is the correct one. Here is a simple proof that shows this.

1. Jesus claims only God is good (Mark 10:18)

2. Jesus claims to be good (John 8:46, John 10:11)

3. Therefore, Jesus claims to be God.

This man thinks that he and Jesus are both good. He thinks he can earn salvation on his own. So we will see that Jesus tries to lead him to two conclusions:

#1 The young man is not good and cannot earn salvation

#2 Jesus is good and worthy to be followed.

The way Jesus does this is very interesting. He does not tell him, “you are not good,” but instead tries to lead him to this conclusion. First Jesus tells him to obey the commandments and then he lists out several. I believe Jesus’ hope was that this man would hear these commandments and realize “I have broken these commandments. I am not good.” Unfortunately the man does not admit that. Instead he pridefully claims that he has done all of these. He said that he had never lied, never stolen, never cheated anyone, and never been disrespectful to his parents. I doubt his mother would agree with that opinion!

Next Jesus tells him in verse 21, “If you want to be perfect, go sell your possessions and give to the poor…Then come, follow Me.”

Was Jesus proposing that the good deed of giving away his money would save him? Of course not. He wanted this man to stop pridefully believing he already had a good relationship with God. So Jesus issued him a challenge. There are two possibilities outcomes from this challenge:

Possibility #1 – This man could have heard the challenge and realized that he had been relying on himself instead of God. He could have realized that he had been loving money more than God. He could have repented and sacrificed all to follow Jesus. The faith behind the action of selling his possessions would have saved him.

Possibility #2 – This man would say “no thanks.” But in the process, he would have to make a clear choice NOT to follow Jesus. No longer could he deceive himself that he was good. He would know very clearly where he stood, apart from God.

This is in fact what happened. He went away grieving. He was grieving because he felt guilty and convicted. He knew what he should do, but he could not do it. Was he in a better position than before this talk with Jesus? Yes! Dwight Moody was a famous evangelist in the 1800s and said that “you have to preach someone into hell before you can preach them into heaven.” Someone must know they are lost before they can be saved.

This man knew he was lost, but he chose money instead of Jesus.

Application: What do you need to give up in order to follow Jesus? If you were to go to Jesus and talk with Him, what would he tell you that you need to give up in order to fully follow Him? Your money? Possessions? A job? Love of pleasure? A sin that you enjoy? Think silently for a moment about what it is that is holding you back from being the disciple that you should be. If you can think of anything, that is what you need to deal with today.

Conclusion:

Today we have learned to honor God with our marriage, with our children, and with our money. Perhaps today you are discouraged. Perhaps your marriage is not what you hope it will be. Perhaps your children are not following the Lord. Perhaps you have not been the father, husband, wife, or mother you should be. Perhaps you have been putting your career first like this young man. Perhaps you feel it is hopeless, change is impossible, you’ve already tried. Brothers and sisters, it is not impossible. In verse 26, Jesus says, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Let us pray.

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