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Self-Control Starts in the Mind – A Topical Bible Study

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Self-Control in Every Area of Life

Titus 2:6 — “Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled.”

Titus had a lot of roles on the island of Crete. One was to appoint elders. The other was to go around and exhort people in the church to have the right kind of living. The word used is “urge.” This comes from the word “urgent” or “urgency.” You urge someone to do something that is urgent. That means something important is to be done right away without delay. Titus was explicitly instructed to urge the young men to be self-controlled (in some translations, sensible).

They are to be sensible. This means using common sense and not following whims or crazy ideas. Young men should not be rash. They should not be foolhardy. They should not lose their tempers. God desires young men to be well-balanced and in control of their senses, feelings, words, and actions.

In Proverbs 7, Solomon describes a young man who lacks sense. He follows an adulteress without thinking of the long-term consequences of his actions. That man lacks self-control. He is led by feelings instead of wisdom, choosing the temporary thrill over long-term stability and blessing. It is not a coincidence that Titus was instructed to encourage young men to have self-control. It is an area of great struggle for young men.

Reflect — In what areas does a young man need to exercise self-control?

Here are a few areas that are important to exercise self-control in: purity, speech, use of time, and thought life.

Titus was not only charged with Christian ministry. Paul reminded him to live a holy Christian life with proper conduct. Titus’ ministry would be ineffective if he was a hypocrite and taught one thing but did another. Paul wisely understood that the greatest danger to these young men’s ministry was themselves. The key battle was within. If they could live a faithful life to the Lord, their ministry would be fruitful.

Application — Those in ministry should pay careful attention to their own relationship with the Lord. It is easy to become focused on teaching, counseling, serving, and evangelizing and, as a result, become undisciplined in one’s personal life. A Christian leader should be a servant, humbly submitting to Scripture and striving to practice what he preaches.

— From our Bible study on Titus 2:6-10

Older and Wiser: Self-Control as We Age

Titus 2:2 — “Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness.”

My thirteen-year-old son leads a short Bible study with the toddlers and young children of families who attend the weekly adult Bible study at our home. He, in turn, is the youngest member of his soccer team. Several older teenagers are role models from whom he learns self-control. And they all have a coach who, in turn, also looks to others for wisdom and guidance. My son learns from the older ones and then passes it down to the younger.

A key lesson from Titus 2 is that a healthy church is relational. Everyone should be learning from others and passing on what they know. A healthy stream keeps moving, and many benefit from the water as it cycles through. Disease and bacteria build up when a pool of water has no outlet.

Application — Who are you older than (if not in age, then in faith) in your local church? How can you help encourage and mentor those who are younger?

If you are struggling with self-control, find a mentor to observe and ask for wisdom. An older man might get discouraged. His physical strength isn’t what it was. Likely he is past the prime of life. Younger, stronger men may have taken over for him in the workplace. He has seen his children grow older and become independent. As a result, he might be tempted to think that he is not useful and that his best days are past. But Titus should encourage them. They have a vital role to play in a healthy church. They are neither forgotten nor replaced. It is not the time to retire.

While their physical strength might be less than before, their experiences are more. These experiences, combined with many years of service and Bible study, give them wisdom that a younger man may lack. Godly character traits, including sober-mindedness, dignity, self-control, faith, love, and steadfastness, should typify their lives. The character “steadfastness” is especially significant in this context. It shows that they have fought the good fight and are finishing the race. Years, perhaps decades, of dedicated service have proven their faith. Temptations and the world did not sideline them or cause them to go astray.

— From our Bible study on Titus 2:1-5

It Took Great Self-Control

Psalm 22:7 — “All who see me mock me; they make mouths at me; they wag their heads.”

It took great self-control for Jesus not to strike down His torturers where they stood.

Reflect — What motivated Him to restrain Himself?

It is important for us to know that it was not only the Jews who had Jesus crucified. The Romans participated. It wasn’t only a soldier or two. It was the “whole battalion.” Jesus’ crucifixion was not the responsibility of one people group. It was the responsibility of humankind as a whole.

Jesus had done nothing to them. He wasn’t a prisoner of war. They likely knew very little about Him prior to that day. What they did was unprofessional and goes against human decency. They didn’t care. They enjoyed mocking this man. He was under their power and they made sure He knew it. The soldiers’ behavior clearly reveals how sinful the heart is.

The methods of abuse included: the robe (they had heard that Jesus was a king, therefore they mocked Him by forcing Him to wear a purple robe and insulting Him), the crown of thorns (likely forced into his head and caused significant pain and bleeding), verbal abuse (they laughed at Him, calling Him “King of the Jews”), striking His head with a reed (likely a mock scepter, like the mock crown and kingly garments), spitting on Him (highly insulting), and kneeling down in homage to Him (more scornful mockery).

Reflect — Consider the contrast between the behavior of Jesus and the soldiers. What do we learn about Jesus? What do we learn about people?

Application –  When you feel  like you are losing it, remember that God restrains Himself toward us. He does not lash out against us or wipe us out immediately when we sin.  Since He has shown self-control and restraint toward us, we should show the same toward others.

— From our Bible study on Mark 15:1-20

Taming the Tongue

James 3:3-5 – If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things.
How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!

James uses another example from nature, this time about wild beasts. His point is that although man can control and tame wild beasts, we cannot, of our own power, control the tongue. The tongue is more difficult to tame than a lion. Skilled trainers can train the lions or tigers to be tame with much hard work. But no one can fully tame their own tongue without help from God.

We are sinful and depraved. Without God’s help, we cannot hope to have victory or self-control in this area. But we do have hope. Our hope is in Christ. He gives us the strength to have victory (1 Corinthians 10:13), where the natural man can have none. A natural man may hope to suppress his tongue for a while, but like a lion that is not fully trained, it may spring up to attack at any time, surprising everyone around.

Some of my co-workers seem like nice people. Clean cut. They say kind things to one another and show care for people. But almost all of them, even the young ladies, curse. It was kind of surprising to me at the beginning to see these young, seemingly nice ladies suddenly curse in anger in the middle of the office. But it is quite common.

Outbursts are inevitable unless the heart has been regenerated by the Spirit. As believers, we can walk by the Spirit (Galatians 5:26). The fruit of the Spirit includes self-control. This is a winnable battle if we rely on God.

What steps can we take to win this battle?

Have a close relationship with God first. Jesus said that apart from Him, we can do nothing (John 15:5). Don’t be fake or hypocritical. If you are trying to live the Christian life in your own strength, you will fail sooner or later.

Think before we speak. Don’t be hasty to share your opinion. There is nothing the matter with talking, but don’t find yourself always the one talking on and on.

If we have a temptation to sin with our words, pray immediately. It doesn’t have to be long or complicated. Simply say, “God, I am angry. Help me.”

Make a focused effort to be proactively using our tongues to glorify God and bless man. Train yourselves to speak positive words through practice. The more kind words that flow from your mouth, the easier they will come. But the more angry words flow from your mouth, the easier they will come.

— From our Bible study on James 3:1-12

Feed Your Mind the Right Things

Philippians 4:8 — “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Believers need self-control, a fruit of the Spirit. Lust is one of many powerful passions. Desire for power and pleasure are others (1 John 2:16). When we come to Christ we must walk by the Spirit and not by the flesh, which means surrendering control of even our thoughts to God. You should not let your thoughts control you, but you should control them.

We don’t primarily get self-control by constantly reminding ourselves what we should  NOT do. Rather, we need our heart to be transformed so that we are pursuing the right thing and then we do the right thing naturally. The key battle is in our mind. We must exercise self-control in our own thoughts.

Reflect – How is this possible? How can you control your thoughts?

Feed your mind the right content. If you fill your mind with godly things, it is natural that more time will be spend thinking of these things. But if you fill your mind with junk, then that is what you think about. Meditate on pure and noble things. Proactively think about things that are edifying.

Think about what you are thinking about. Evaluate your own thoughts. When a lustful thought just pops into your mind, then you need to think “This is wrong,” and intentionally divert your mind to right thinking.

Pray. When a wrong thought enters your mind, immediately take it to God in prayer. Don’t go down the rabbit hole by allowing a wrong thought process to take hold and lead your thinking.

Sing. When a sinful thought enters your mind, change your thought’s directions by singing a praise song.

Application — You have to rewire your brain, to train yourself into different thought patterns by being very intentional and seeking help from the Spirit. Our brains are kind of like paths for water. Water flows in the path of least resistance. It will naturally flow toward well-worn grooves, just as your thoughts will go along well-worn paths. You have to intentionally divert that water (thought) by blocking destructive pathways and carving out new edifying pathways.

— From our Bible study on Hosea 7

The Daniel De-Tox

Daniel 1:8 – But Daniel resolved that he would not defile himself with the king’s food, or with the wine that he drank. Therefore he asked the chief of the eunuchs to allow him not to defile himself.

One key way to practice self-control each day is in what we eat. Many people have unhealthy eating habits. The Babylonian court encouraged them. Unhealthy eating habits have an adverse effect on our health, mental and physical. Vegetables and fruit have always been the healthiest foods. The Bible teaches that you “reap what you sow.” It is also true with the foods we eat. If you eat more nutritious foods, you will be healthier.

Some believers have suggested a ten-day “Daniel de-tox” as a way to clear out toxins from our system and go back to the basics. Many who have tried it have found inflammation down and energy levels up.

But beyond this, we need to consider what we are putting into our bodies. Our bodies are a  temple of the Holy Spirit. Our bodies belong to God. Are we taking care of what He has given us so that we can use our bodies the maximum amount of time and with maximum energy to glorify God?

Many unhealthy foods are prevalent. Most highly processed and high sugar foods are not very healthy. Generally, the more something looks like how God created it (a fruit or a vegetable), the healthier it will be and the more we cannot recognize it anymore (cheese puffs, etc.), the less healthy it is.

Application — Consider your eating habits. Are you honoring God with your body as a temple for Him? Are you losing self-control and allowing the world to tempt you with delicacies that are harming your health? God wants us to honor Him with our bodies. The longer we live, the longer we can serve Him and our families. Move more. Eat better. Many scientific studies equate those two simple concepts with a longer and healthier life. The Bible already taught these principles long ago (1 Corinthians 6:12-20).

— From our Bible study on Daniel 1

Self-Control on the Basketball Court

Do not blame or react harshly to people who treat you wrongly.

I am six feet three inches tall and enjoy playing basketball. Most of the time when I play, my teammates ask me to play in the middle since I am the tallest on our team. That often results in being on the receiving end of many hard fouls. When I was younger, I found it harder to practice self-control. Sometimes I reacted with a hot temper when I felt the other team was too rough or unfair. Now I realize that in each of these cases, God allowed these things to happen for my good. Perhaps He wants to build my patience.

In a similar manner, when you face unfair treatment, consider what lesson God may want you to glean from the situation. Maybe there is a character quality that He wants you to work on. If a boss criticizes a project you know you finished well, maybe it is God teaching you some humility.

David gives us a good example of this principle. While David was on the run from Absalom, his enemy cursed him (2 Samuel 16). David’s loyal minions asked him for permission to go over and kill the guy for his insolence.

2 Samuel 16:10 — “But the king said, ‘What have I to do with you, O sons of Zeruiah? If he curses, and if the Lord has told him, “Curse David,” then who shall say, “Why have you done so?”‘”

David exercised self-control.

— From our Bible study on Ephesians 3:1-13

Be Alert and Self-Disciplined

1 Thessalonians 5:6-8 — “So then let us not sleep, as others do, but let us keep awake and be sober. For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, are drunk at night. But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, having put on the breastplate of faith and love, and for a helmet the hope of salvation.”

Sometimes we need to come up with applications based on the principles we learn in the Word by ourselves. But sometimes we are given the applications. Here Paul gives us the most important applications we should make based on what we learn in this passage.

Be alert. We should be ready. Do not be caught sleeping. We must live with the right perspective and worldview. Do not allow the worries and business of the world to choke out your passion for Christ. Do not allow our peers’ worldly wisdom to influence our decisions or life directions. Look at the culture around you with discernment. Do not grow complacent in your Christian life.

An alert army needs to conduct daily drills to ensure they are ready if an attack comes. Even where there is no visible enemy for thousands of miles or there have been decades of peace, they still need to be ready. This requires a great deal of self-discipline. Adequately defend yourselves against temptation. Root out any sin in your lives before it spreads. Disciple yourself to study and memorize the Word, pray, and regularly participate in fellowship.

Be sober. Be serious-minded. Jesus tells us that in the last days, many will be eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage (Matthew 24:38). This portrays a relaxed and complacent lifestyle in which pleasure and desire are the most important aspects. We must think deeper. Form convictions from the Word and then follow through with those convictions. If we are sober, that means we must prepare ourselves for the enemy’s attack. That requires putting on spiritual armor.

— From our Bible study on 1 Thessalonians 5:1-11

Don’t Get Caught With Your Hands in the Cookie Jar

1 Peter 4:7 — “The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers.”

To God though, a day is as a thousand years and a thousand years as a day. Thus, we know that the last days could continue for quite a while. One thing is certain though. We are almost two thousand years closer to the end times than Peter and his readers were!

This knowledge should motivate us to be self-controlled. Don’t fall into temptation. Don’t stray from the narrow path. We don’t want to be caught with our hands in the cookie jar when Christ returns.

Be sober-minded. Take things seriously. Take life seriously. Our time here is limited so we should make the most of it. For the sake of prayer, be men and women of prayer. Pray for Christ’s second coming. Pray for revival. Pray for God’s kingdom. Pray, pray, pray without ceasing.

— From our Bible study on 1 Peter 4:1-11

We hope you enjoyed this Bible study on self-control. May God use His Word to speak into your life and give you strength to follow it. Please take some time to reflect on the questions below and consider leaving a comment with your key takeaway or insight.

Reflection Questions

• In what areas does a young man need to exercise self-control?
• What are some practical ways to grow in self-control?
• Who are you older than (if not in age, then in faith) in your local church? How can you help encourage and mentor those who are younger?
• How can you keep calm and exercise self-control when you are ill-treated?
• How can you control your thoughts?
• Are you losing self-control and allowing the world to tempt you with delicacies that are harming your health?
• What specifically will you obey in order to apply what we have learned today?