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Is it Wrong to Make Vows or Promises? – Learning to Control the Tongue

The Seriousness of a Vow

Deuteronomy 23:21 — “If you make a vow to the Lord your God, do not be slow to pay it, for the Lord your God will certainly demand it of you and you will be guilty of sin.”

The commands regarding vows are simple.

• If you make a vow, keep it. Do it quickly without delay.
• You are not required to make a vow.
• Be very careful before making a vow as it is a serious thing.

Ecclesiastes 5:4-6 — “When you vow a vow to God, do not delay paying it, for he has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you vow. It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay. Let not your mouth lead you into sin, and do not say before the messenger that it was a mistake. Why should God be angry at your voice and destroy the work of your hands?”

Jesus and James both also talked about vows. The problem was that by the time of Jesus, people had tried to find loopholes to exploit. For example, a person who swore by “heaven” could break the oath since they didn’t invoke the name of God. There were other unwritten rules. Swearing by the gold of the temple or the throne of God were not considered binding. People were leaving themselves an “out” clause. That is similar to the Western practice of crossing your fingers while making a promise.

It seems that based on the historical context, Jesus, and then James, prohibited these types of oaths. He is reminding people that the Creator is always present. He hears what you say and He also sees your heart. Clever word games do not excuse lying.

The world uses a lot of oaths in routine communication. Liars say things like, “I swear on my mother’s grave, I am telling the truth this time.”

But there is a problem with oaths and vows. If you are normally an honest person, why do you need to swear to convince someone that you are telling the truth? Swearing to convince people of the sincerity of your words actually makes you less believable in general.

The Westminster Confession of Faith says oaths are appropriate only in “matters of weight and moment” (Genesis 26:3, Psalms 132:11, Acts 18:18, Revelation 10:5-6). Let your “yes” be “yes” and your “no” be “no.”

Application —

• Be a person of integrity so that you don’t need to persuade people of the truth of your words.
• Think carefully before you make a promise.
• Parents, keep your promises to your children. If you say you will take them to the park or read them a story, do it.
• Only use a vow on a very serious occasion such as a wedding and even then simply make a straightforward and clear statement of commitment.

One example of a foolish vow is Jephthah’s vow in Judges 11:30-31.

— From our Bible study on Deuteronomy 23

Let Your Yes Be Yes

Matthew 5:33-37 — “Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.’ But I say to you, Do not take an oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. And do not take an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.”

In the Old Testament law it was clearly wrong to make false vows. We have seen in the cross-references that there are many warnings about making vows and then not fulfilling them. These warnings are true. We should not make vows/oaths/promises that we cannot or may not keep. Jesus is not disagreeing with this fact, but He raises the bar even higher.

In the time of Jesus making oaths had become more popular. What was originally a vow to make a solemn covenant before the Lord had developed into a widespread problem of making oaths. In people’s routine everyday communication with each other, they would make oaths to convince each other of the truth and sincerity of their words. However, the rabbis had developed a complicated system for determining whether or not oaths had to be kept. Generally, it was considered that only oaths made in the name of God had to be kept.

Clever word games do not excuse lying and if you say you are going to do something, no matter what words you use, and then you do not do it, it is a lie. So what do we learn:

• Do not add words or expressions to your statements to convince people of their truth or to give yourself.
• Avoid phrases like “I swear on my mother’s grave” or “cross my heart and hope to die” or similar ones in your own culture.
• Even when you make vows (such as a marriage) you should make clear and straightforward statements of your commitment to your spouse.
• Think before you make promises. Don’t make promises that you can’t keep. Don’t make promises easily. Don’t agree to do something unless you are going to follow through. If you say something, do it. Set reminders for yourself if necessary so that you won’t forget.
• Be honest. What kind of person will feel the need to make oaths more often? It is a person who is viewed as untrustworthy. Liars have to work hard to convince people they are telling the truth this time. If you are a trustworthy person and have proven yourself to be so, others will know that your word is your bond.
• Do not lie or deceive in negotiations. Be careful of making deals or signing contracts you will later regret. Read the fine print and understand. Your signature is like a vow. These days people break their word easily and for almost any amount of money. They may only keep their word if a contract forces them to and they know they will be caught and punished by the law if they don’t. God holds us to a higher standard. Our standard is not “will I be caught?” We will go before a higher judge than any in this land. We will stand before God and give an account of what we have said and what we have done. Let us not look for loopholes to get out of what we have agreed to. Instead, let’s seek to be honest and transparent and men and women of integrity.

Application — Parents, keep your promises to your children. Did you tell them you will read them a story later? Do it. Did you tell them you would take them out to play? Do it. Many parents routinely break their promises to their children. When I was a teacher of young children in a training center, I heard parents promise children things after class in order to keep them quiet and well behaved. For example, they may promise to blow them bubbles after class to get them to cooperate. But after class, they don’t do it. Another parent brought his child to our house and he kept telling his child they would leave in a certain amount of time (maybe 10 minutes). But they didn’t, again and again. He freely admitted to us that he often used lying as a tool to get his son to cooperate. Other parents tell their children they will abandon them if they don’t obey. Of course, they don’t. You should tell the truth to your children. If you lie to them they will learn it. You will become untrustworthy and they may not believe you in important things. They may also become very disappointed if you often let them down and it can hurt your relationship with them long term. Another example: many Western parents teach their children that Santa is real. It is lying to your children. When they find out Santa is not real, may they question whether God is real?

— From our Bible study on Matthew 5:33-42

Do Not Swear, But Be Trustworthy

James 5:12 — “But above all, my brothers, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or by any other oath, but let your ‘yes’ be yes and your ‘no’ be no, so that you may not fall under condemnation.”

James has made it clear that real believers live out their faith in everyday lives. One aspect of that is speech. One should not claim to be a believer and then copy the world’s patterns of speech.

A faithful and steadfast believer should keep watch over his tongue.

James quotes Jesus’ words from Matthew 5:37, when He also warned against oaths. Oaths were not universally banned in the Old Testament (Psalm 76:11). But they were considered to be serious and solemn and only to be used in special occasions.

The problem was that by the time of Jesus, people had tried to find loopholes to exploit. For example, a person who swore by “heaven” could break the oath since they didn’t invoke the name of God. There were other unwritten rules. Swearing by the gold of the temple or the throne of God were not considered binding. People were leaving themselves an “out” clause. That is similar to the Western practice of crossing your fingers while making a promise.

It seems that based on the historical context, Jesus, and then James, is prohibiting these types of oaths. He is reminding people that the Creator is always present. He hears what you say and He also sees your heart. Clever word games do not excuse lying.

The world uses a lot of oaths in routine communication. Liars say things like “I swear on my mother’s grave I am telling the truth this time.”

But there is a problem with oaths. If you are normally an honest person, why do you need to swear to convince someone that you are telling the truth? Swearing to convince people of the sincerity of your words actually makes you less believable in general.

A steadfast believer should be clear and honest in speech. Let your “yes” be “yes” and your “no” be “no.”

Application —

• • Be a person of integrity so that you don’t need to persuade people of the truth of your words.
  • Think before you make a promise. As we learned in James 4, say if “God is willing” you will do this or that.
  • Parents, keep your promises to your children. If you say you will take them to the park or read them a story, do it.
  • Only use a vow in a very serious occasion such as a wedding and even then simply make a straightforward and clear statement of commitment.

— From our Bible study on James 5:7-12

Jephthah’s Foolish Vow

Judges 11:30-31 — “And Jephthah made a vow to the Lord and said, ‘If you will give the Ammonites into my hand, then whatever comes out from the doors of my house to meet me when I return in peace from the Ammonites shall be the Lord’s, and I will offer it up for a burnt offering.'”

Jephthah probably made the vow because he was some in doubt about the victory that God would give to him. He thought that perhaps through his devotion in making such a promise God would give him the victory. Interestingly, many people still try to “barter” with the Lord. God, if you give me a wife I will… God, if you let me get into this university I will… God, if you give me this job, I will… However, we should never barter with the Lord. This is misunderstanding His character.

He doesn’t need anything from us. So, it is unlikely He will give us something to secure more devotion to Himself. If we are following Him fully, He already does what is best for us.

This is a lack of faith, thinking that in someone we can pay back what He has done for us or earn it. Neither is true. God is merciful and full of grace, but we cannot ever earn the blessings that He gives to us. This is also often a lack of faith in His promises. People doubt God will do what He says so make a promise to do such and such if He does.

Although the Lord empowered Jephthah to have victory over Israel’s enemies, it doesn’t mean everything he did was from the Lord. In fact, like most of the other leaders at this time, we see exactly the opposite. The people were so tainted by the surrounding religions and evil beliefs that even those who worshipped the Lord committed a number of sinful acts, sometimes maybe unconsciously because it was part of the surrounding “culture” of the day.

— From our Bible study on Judges 10-11

Herod’s Rash Promise

Mark 6:22 — “For when Herodias’s daughter came in and danced, she pleased Herod and his guests. And the king said to the girl, ‘Ask me for whatever you wish, and I will give it to you.'”

It was a common vow for ancient rulers to make. By saying “up to half the kingdom,” it meant that they would not give away their throne. However, though this type of oath was common, it was a very foolish oath.

How could he promise to do whatever she asked without knowing what she would ask? He boxed himself into a corner with no good way out by signing a contract without knowing the terms. She could certainly ask many things he wouldn’t want to do or would be unwise for him to give.

Reflect — Why did he make this vow then? What was he thinking? I don’t think he was. He didn’t stop and think through what might happen. He just blurted this promise out in the heat of the moment. It was rash and impulsive. It was completely based on emotion or perhaps even infatuation rather than logic, common sense, or morals.

Application — In a narrow sense we learn not to make promises, guarantees, or oaths to do things without knowing what those things are. Do not commit to anything without knowing what it is.

Often when people ask if I am free a certain time, I first ask them why. I don’t want to commit to anything without knowing more about it. Sometimes people say, “Can you do me a favor?” I always reply, “What is the favor?” before giving an answer. Even when my wife or children ask for a favor, I ask them what it is before committing.

Beyond this, we should hesitate to make promises at all. Using the phrase “If the Lord wills” is a good option.

There could be times to make promises. At a solemn occasion such as a marriage we could make vows to show our commitment. At the same time, if you make those vows, you need to keep them! It is not wrong to tell our kids “I will love you forever” because this is something we should do and a good goal for us. The problem is making commitments and then finding that we can’t fulfill them.

The bigger principle here is to think before we speak. Do not speak or act impulsively without thinking something through. This applies to many areas. For example:

• Do not go into business without prayer, research, and council. Maybe a good friend asks you to partner with them, but don’t just agree out of a desire to satisfy him. Make sure it is the right decision first.
• Do not get married without prayer and council. Do not rush into it. Instead think it through and make sure you know the person well and will not be surprised later.
• Do not accept a job rashly.
• Do not quit a job rashly.
• Do not buy expensive things impulsively, but think it through to make sure you really need and can afford them.

Mark 6:26-28 — “And the king was exceedingly sorry, but because of his oaths and his guests he did not want to break his word to her. And immediately the king sent an executioner with orders to bring John’s head. He went and beheaded him in the prison and brought his head on a platter and gave it to the girl, and the girl gave it to her mother.”

Herod didn’t want to do it because he was fascinated with John. But he had made a promise in front of a large group of important people. To not follow through would open himself up to their ridicule and also cause some to doubt his word.

Reflect — What should he have done at this point?

After he had already made the promise there was no good way out. Either he sins by killing John or he sins by lying. This is the way of sin. Sin twists situations so much there is sometimes no good way out. Even so, John should have done the lesser of the two wrongs. He could have said something like, “I realize I made a promise. This was a mistake on my part as I made it in haste and didn’t think it through well. I hate to break a promise, but it would be worse to kill an innocent man. Please forgive me and you can make another request. This time I want to hear it first and if it is good, I will do it for you.”

In the Old Testament, a father was given authority to override any rash promises made by his family members (Numbers 30:3-16). In similar manner, we should not allow a rash vow to cause us to sin even worse.

Herod Antipas compounded his sin by going through with it. Note that he didn’t go through with it because it was right or even because he was concerned about personal integrity. His concern was how others would view him. It was pride that pushed Herod to kill John. He didn’t want to look bad in front of his friends and these powerful people. He wanted to appear strong and in control.

— From our Bible study on Mark 6:14-29

Keeping a Costly Promise: Rahab

Psalm 15:4 — “In whose eyes a vile person is despised, but who honors those who fear the Lord; who swears to his own hurt and does not change.”

Joshua also kept his word. Many nations would have gone back on it. After all, they already had spied out the land. They already achieved victory. Many would have just used Rahab. When she was no longer needed, they would cast her aside. However, Joshua and the spies did not do this. They kept their word and they saved her and her family and gave them a place to live within the nation of Israel.

We can learn from this. Firstly, if we make promises keep them. God always keeps His promises and so should we. How can you make sure that you always keep your promises? The easiest way is to never make a promise that you are not sure you can’t keep. Do not tell your customer that you can have the product ready at an early deadline that you are not sure about. Do not agree to do a favor for people without knowing what it is. Do not make guarantees that are out of your power to keep. And then when you do make a commitment (like marriage vows, work contracts, rental contracts, etc.) hold up your end of the bargain even when it is not easy.

People also make plans and rely on you when you make commitments and promises. Don’t let them down. Let your “yes” be “yes” and your “no” be “no.”

Also we should learn from this example to take care of the people who help us. Don’t just use somebody and cast them aside. The world does this. But this is not God’s way.

— From our Bible study on Joshua 6

The Gibeonites: Honoring a Costly Deal

Numbers 23:19 — “God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?”

The Israelite leaders made a foolish deal. It was a mistake caused by their failure to step back and pray. The people began to complain. It seems that they wanted the leaders to go back on their promise and destroy the Gibeonites. But the leaders were unwilling to do so. The leaders were men of integrity. They had given their word and they planned to keep it. Going back on their word would have been to compound their first sin by adding more sins.

Application — From this passage we can see the importance of keeping our word. Sometimes we may give our word to do something and then later regret it. Perhaps you tell a friend that you will help him with a project, but then another friend invites you to do something fun (like playing ball). What do you do? Do you bail on the first friend because there is something more fun to do? Perhaps you agree to serve at church at a specific time. Then you have a long week and catch a cold. You would prefer to rest at home. What do you do? Perhaps you make a verbal deal to rent a house. Before you can sign a contract another house at a much cheaper rate opens up. What do you do? Perhaps you agree to sell a product at a certain price. Later you find out it will cost much more time and money to make the product. The price you offered means you will lose money on the deal. What do you do?

They had to live with the consequences of their sin for generations. There was no “easy fix” to this problem. It could not be undone. Generations of Israelites would face the consequences of this sin. Many sins are like this. If you marry the wrong person, you will still wake up to them the next day and the next day after that. At that point you can’t get out of it (without sinning even more.)

Application — We need to rely on the Lord and His grace each moment. We must not be presumptuous. We should pray and think carefully before making a promise, a commitment, a decision or a deal. Once you make it, keep it.

— From our Bible study on Joshua 9

God’s Own Faithful Oath

Hebrews 6:16-18 — “For people swear by something greater than themselves, and in all their disputes an oath is final for confirmation. So when God desired to show more convincingly to the heirs of the promise the unchangeable character of his purpose, he guaranteed it with an oath, so that by two unchangeable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us.”

God is the highest power in the universe. Because He is the highest power, He has nothing higher to swear by. Therefore, when He makes a promise, He does so from His own mouth, which is the ultimate authority in the universe.

Abraham’s faith was commendable, but the thrust of this passage is God’s faithfulness. He made an unchangeable promise. It is impossible for God to lie. If God says it, we can believe it. He is the source of truth. He never makes mistakes. His omniscience guarantees He won’t be surprised by some unforeseen circumstances. His omnipotence guarantees that He has the power to carry out all His plans. His omnipresence guarantees He is always there to carry out His purposes.

We should take strong encouragement in this fact. The world may mock us for our beliefs. Our families may think we are crazy. It doesn’t matter. God is the judge. He is the one who holds us accountable for our actions. The promise is there. WE must take hold of it in faith. Set our hope completely on Christ.

Application —

• • How about you? Do you believe in God’s promises to you?
  • Are there times when you doubt?
  • If so, what should you do?
  • How can we learn to be patient?
  • Is there something you have to learn to be patient about now? Perhaps marriage, job, career, children?

— From our Bible study on Hebrews 6:9-20

Marriage Vows

1 Corinthians 7:10-11 — “To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.”

Just as marriage is serious before God, so is ending it. Culture has turned marriage into almost a kind of test. Try for awhile and see if it works. God views it very differently. It is a lifelong commitment. We are not to go into marriage thinking that divorce is a way out if it goes wrong. One who gets married is taking a vow before the Lord. He should not take it lightheartedly. God hates divorce. It was not part of His plan from the beginning. Man and woman are designed to be lifelong mates.

Divorce wrecks the home, wrecks the children, wrecks the spouses. It wrecks society. The Bible only gives three legitimate ways out of marriage. One, is death. This breaks the bond. Two, is adultery. We should remember too that believers should forgive even seventy times seven times. A mistake, even one as serious as adultery, can and should be forgiven by a spouse as they try to fix the marriage and make it right. Only if it is a perpetual problem with no repentance is divorce really an option. Third, is if an unbelieving spouse wants to divorce the believer and cannot be talked out of it.

In Jewish history, any little thing was used as a grounds for divorce, including burning dinner. This is not a biblical concept. Marriage is holy and sacred. And we should also remember what marriage is a picture of. Marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. Does Christ ever divorce, put away, or reject the church? No. As believers, we need to live out this picture so the world can see how Christ loves the church.

— From our Bible study on 1 Corinthians 7:1-16

Public Accountability

Numbers 30:2 — “If a man vows a vow to the Lord, or swears an oath to bind himself by a pledge, he shall not break his word. He shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth.”

Ezra required all the people, starting with the leaders and Levites (the groups most guilty because of their leadership positions), to take an oath that they would carry out this plan. This bound them before God to follow through or face direct judgment from God for breaking their oath. It also bound them before each other. After making the public oath, no one could go back and say, “I didn’t agree with this solution.”

One of the key missives we can get from this chapter is the message of mutual accountability. Each person agreed upon the same course of action and would help to hold each other accountable.

— From our Bible study on Ezra 10

We hope you enjoyed this Bible study on making vows or promises. May God use His Word to speak into your life and give you strength to follow it. Please take some time to reflect on the questions below and consider leaving a comment with your key takeaway or insight.

Reflection Questions

• Do you believe it is OK to make vows or promises? Why or why not?
• What should you do if you make a promise and then discover that you shouldn’t have?
• Is there ever an appropriate occasion to make a promise? If so, when? When should we not?
• What should you do if you make a rash vow and fulfilling it would be sinful?
• What should be done if a vow is made in haste and the one making the vow later regrets it?
• Can you think of anyone in the Bible who regretted their vows?
• How does this study encourage you to be careful with your words?
• Do you need to adjust your communication based on what the Bible says about vows?