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Mark | 1-6 | 7:1-13 | 7:14-23 | 7:24-37 |  8:1-21 | 8:22-33 | 8:34-9:10 | 9:11-32 | 9:33-50 | 10:1-12 | 10:13-27 | 10:28-45 | 11:1-11 | 11:12-26 | 11:27-12:12 | 12:13-27 | 12:28-44 | 13-16 |

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Mark 10 Bible Study – Jesus’ Teaching on Marriage and Divorce

Outline

I. Moses’ law on divorce (1-5)
II. God’s original design of marriage (6-9)
III. Divorce and remarriage is adultery (10-12)

I. Moses’ law on divorce (1-5)

Discussion Questions

• How did the Pharisees attempt to test Jesus this time?
• Why was this considered a test and not a sincere question?
• If God doesn’t approve of divorce, why did He allow it?
• What does it mean “because of their hardness of heart?”
• Are there any other issues in which the New Testament sets a higher standard than the Old Testament?
• How can we explain this?
• Are there any other Old Testament passages on divorce?

Cross-References

Deuteronomy 24:1-4 – When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife, and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the Lord. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance.

Verse by Verse Commentary

1. The Pharisees came to test Jesus –

Mark 10:2 – And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”

At face value, this seems to be a reasonable question. But the same question could be asked in all sincerity by one person and with a hostile motive by another. The Pharisees were hostile to Jesus and sought to trap Him in His word.

Many of their challenges were centered on common controversies of that time. It seems that their goal was to get Jesus to declare His position on controversial topics. Once Jesus declared His position, His answer could alienate the people on the other side of the debate. If half of the people believed that divorce was acceptable, Jesus speaking out against divorce could anger the other fifty percent and vice-versa.

It is a commonly used tactic in the political world today as well. Interviewers or debaters seek to ask difficult questions of politicians to force them to publicly declare a view on testy issues.

Jesus saw through their deceit and understood their intention behind the questions. Many times, He answered the questions they posed in such a powerful way that the entire crowd was speechless. Jesus didn’t just quote the canned answers tossed around by the two sides of the debate, but instead offered a fresh and wise perspective, looking to the heart of the issue.

2. Jesus’ first questions them –

Mark 10:3 – He answered them, “What did Moses command you?”

Jesus starts off His answer with a question. This allows Him to see their level of understanding and the position they were coming from.

3. Moses allowed divorce? –

Mark 10:4 – They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.”

The Pharisees answered that Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and send his wife away (See Deuteronomy 24:1-4).

Reflect – Why would Moses allow this?

If you read the passage what Moses says is this:

• If a man divorces his wife and
• If the lady gets married again and
• If she gets divorced again
• Then she cannot go back to her first husband

Moses was describing an existing practice of divorce rather than prescribing this method for divorce. Moses then limits this practice by declaring that a spouse who twice divorced could not go back to their first spouse. Closing this loophole would make divorce a lot less attractive for people who thought they could always go back to their first spouse later on with no problem. He is restricting divorce, not endorsing it.

Jesus says it was only because of their hardness of heart that Moses did not go even further to restrict divorce (Mark 10:5). One-man- one-woman -marriage for life, is God’s natural design.

Perhaps divorce was not nearly as much a problem at that time so it was not a pressing social issue like today. In any case, a believer who earnestly sought God’s will on this issue could have found it and in the New Testament God’s vision of marriage and divorce is very clear.

Jesus said it was because of their hardness of heart that Moses permitted them to do this. When people sinned, the earth and the human race were cursed. Gender conflicts were one of the effects of this (see Genesis 3). In some cases, it seems that God allows people to go their own way and experience the results of their own folly. Romans 1 shows this clearly.

Another example in the Old Testament is allowing Israel to have a king. It wasn’t good for them to have a king. It wouldn’t solve their issues. But God allowed it so that they would learn the hard way that He is the best King.

Parents do not always intervene every time their child makes a poor decision. Sometimes it is helpful to allow the child to reap the consequences of their decision and therefore learn an important life lesson.

II. God’s original design of marriage (6-9)

Discussion Questions

• What reasoning did Jesus appeal to in order to make His case against divorce?
• What was Jesus’ conclusion about divorce?
• So what is God’s view on divorce? What are some of the negative effects of divorce?
• How does divorce affect the picture of marriage between husband of wife as an allegory of Christ and the church?
• If modern-day culture applied this principle of no divorce, how would culture look different?
• Why is this important for married couples?
• Why is this important for singles? How can singles prepare now so that this doesn’t happen to them in the future?

Cross-References

On divorce –

Malachi 2:14-16 – But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. “For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”

Romans 7:2-3 – For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress.

1 Corinthians 7 – This chapter has extensive teaching about marriage, divorce, and marriage to unbelievers.

Genesis 2:24 – Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Matthew 5:31-32 – “It was also said, Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Hebrews 13:4 – Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Verse by Verse Commentary

1. Back to the beginning –

Jesus’ answer is clear. He goes back to the very beginning when marriage was established by God in Genesis.

In Matthew 19:4 it is recorded that he asked them, “Have you not read?” In other words, God’s plan for marriage is already clearly seen in Scripture and they should know it. Jesus’ answer takes people back to creation.

He quotes from Genesis 2:24-25 which says, he “made them male and female, ‘therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.‘”.

From the very beginning, God made His design for marriage clear. He established marriage. It is between one man and one woman. It requires the leaving of parents and it requires a cleaving to one another.

By quoting Genesis, Jesus shows that this is not a cultural principle. It is not a principle that changes for different times or different places. It is a universal principle rooted in creation itself where God revealed His perfect plan for marriage. It is a universal principle for ALL people, for ALL cultures, for ALL times. This clearly refutes many of the modern world’s excuses for allowing divorce. God’s truth never changes.

His design for marriage is the same today as it was in the time of Jesus, which is the same as in the time of Adam and Eve. Different cultures have different social standards Your culture may have a different standard on this issue than mine. In some cultures, divorce is frowned on. In others, it is commonplace and accepted. The divorce rate in America, Europe, and Russia is around 50%. In Columbia 9% and in Ghana 6%. It doesn’t matter what your culture’s standard is, God’s standard supersedes it. We have one Lord. And we live by one absolute truth, which we can find in His Word.

Jesus going back to the beginning and God’s design refutes many of the modern world’s excuses for allowing divorce of which there are many:

• Marriage is outdated
• The world is changing
• Society has advanced
• The passage in Genesis teaches us several basic truths about marriage.

What can you learn about marriage from the passage?

• Marriage is established by God.
• God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.
• Marriage is between one man and one woman for a grand total of two, thus showing that both divorce and fornication are sinful.
• Marriage requires a leaving from parents.
• Marriage requires a cleaving to each other. This means that the spouse is now the most important person and responsibility rather than the parent.

Jesus’ conclusion is clear.

Mark 10:9 – What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

What therefore God has joined together let no man separate. Jesus’ answer is clear. Divorce is wrong. It is sinful and goes against God’s established plan from the beginning of the world.

2. God hates divorce –

Jesus’ conclusion in verse 6: What therefore God has joined together let no man separate. Jesus’ answer is clear. Divorce is against God’s plan for marriage from the beginning. Divorce is a sin.

Read Malachi 2:16 – “For I hate divorce, says the Lord.”

Romans 7:2-3 – “For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband. So then, if while her husband is living she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress though she is joined to another man.”

3. Are there any exceptions?

One possible exception is mentioned in Matthew 19:9, sexual immorality.

Matthew 19:9 – And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

There are different opinions on exactly what this is referring to. It could be referring to the Jewish custom of betrothal and not marriage. If during the betrothal period, one side discovers the other has been unfaithful then he or she is allowed to divorce and get married to someone else. Remember Joseph’s reaction when he found out Mary was pregnant? He decided to divorce her (Matthew 1:19). And the text says that he was a “just” man to make this decision. This may be the type of situation which is referred to here.

One reason this interpretation is possible is that the general Greek word for sexual immorality is used, not the specific word for adultery.

Another simple interpretation of this passage is to take it at face value. That would mean that divorce is only permissible if the spouse has committed adultery. However in either interpretation, this “exception clause” should be taken in the whole context of Scripture.

We are commanded to forgive. Jesus told Peter to forgive seventy times seven times. We are commanded to love. We are to overcome evil with good.

We are commanded to love. A husband is commanded to love his wife as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). That includes when she doesn’t deserve it (Hosea). 1 Corinthians 13 describes love as very optimistic. This kind of love attempts to influence and change others by overcoming evil with good (Romans 12:21).

Jesus also told the parable of the prodigal son. How did the Father react when the son came back? He ran to him. We are called to do the same.

1 John 2:6 – Whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.

So is it biblical for a wife whose husband has been unfaithful (or vice-versa) to cast them out and immediately seek a divorce? Of course not. The biblical response is to forgive and welcome the offending party back. Seek reconciliation, not divorce.

Some may ask, “What happens if one side is doing it over and over again?”! What did God do when people sin over and over again? He forgives. So should you.

We cannot control what others do, but only what we do. And in
Romans 12:18, we are commanded, “As far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.” It may be impossible for you to reconcile with your with even with your best effort. He may be brazenly committing adultery with no repentance.

In this case, Paul says you can let him leave.

1 Corinthians 7:15 – But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.

Application – If your marriage is in trouble, don’t give up! God does not give up on us and you should not give up on your spouse. There is still hope. Do everything in your power to reconcile and pray that God will do a miracle.

III. Divorce and remarriage is adultery (10-12)

Discussion Questions

• What additional point does Jesus bring up in these verses?
• Are there any situations where divorce is acceptable? What are some of the most common reasons for divorce?
• Should Christian couples set a goal of “not getting divorced?” Why or why not? Is this goal high enough?
• How can Christian couples continually improve and grow together in marriage instead of just coasting?
• What are some practical things that husband and wife can do to build up their marriage?
• What are some practical things that singles can do to prepare for a strong marriage?

Cross-References

On Marriage –

Ephesians 5:22-23 – Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

Proverbs 18:22, 19:14, 21:9, 21:19 – Wisdom on marriage.

2 Corinthians 6:14 – Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?

Hosea 2:19 – And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy.

1 Timothy 3:2 – Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach.

1 John 4:7 – Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.

Verse by Verse Commentary

1. Jesus declares divorce and remarriage to be adultery – Jesus goes even farther in these verses to restrict divorce and remarriage.

Mark 10:11-12 – Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.

If people read only verse 9, they may have an excuse like, “Yes, I shouldn’t have divorced, but now that I am already divorced that is a thing of the past and I can marry again.”

In these verses, Jesus makes it clear that the person who divorces and remarries is committing adultery. It is adultery for the husband and it is adultery for the wife. If one person is committing adultery then the other is as well. There are no loopholes here. Getting married after a divorce is adultery and marrying someone who has been divorced is adultery.

Reflect – Why does Jesus consider this adultery?

When a couple gets married, they are joined together. In God’s sight, this marriage is until death. While the law may recognize their divorce, God doesn’t.

Application –

“Not getting a divorce” and “not remarrying after a divorce” is a good start. If you are married you should make the commitment that you will never consider divorce as a plan B. There is no plan B, amen? You made a vow. Now keep it! If you are single, you should have the conviction before you ever get married that it is a lifetime commitment.

2. Building up your marriage – Believers should aim much higher than just “not getting a divorce.” Many couples go through life in a practical “cold war” state. They share the same roof but are completely distant emotionally, spiritually, and physically. This is not God’s desire for marriage.

Is your marriage the best that it can be?

According to most marriage experts, there is about a one-year time period after marriage that is like a honeymoon. During this stage, everything seems so exciting, fresh, and romantic. Couples want to do everything together. After this year, the fresh and exciting romantic aspect will fade at least initially.

At this point, couples face an important intersection. They can accept this shift and just go through the motions while living their individual lives, or they can make a refocused effort to improve their marriage and get it on an even stronger foundation.

Reflect – What are some practical ways to build up your marriage?

Here are some for men.

• Spend time together in the word and prayer.
• Communicate. Find time while you are out to call or text your wife. Ask her how she is doing.
• Be romantic. Surprise her with gifts or love notes.
• Kiss her at any time and “kiss her like you mean it.”
• Be kind. Go out of your way to say kind words. Don’t be critical.
• Dates.
• Serve her. Give her some time to rest. Offer to cook and watch the kids while she does something she enjoys.
• Turn off the electronics and TALK with your wife. Do not just talk or grunt, “eh” while looking at your phone or computer.
• Develop mutual hobbies.
• Plan a getaway with your wife not from your wife.
• Learn your wife. What is your wife’s dream vacation? What is your wife’s favorite food? What is your wife’s love language? What is your wife’s favorite hobby? What is your wife’s favorite book? Understand her. (1 Peter 3:7)
• Be a gentleman. Carry heavy items. Open the door for your wife. Pull out the chair for your wife. Give your wife a seat first.
• Be tidy. Pick up after yourself. Don’t leave your clothes and shoes and dishes everywhere.
• Play with your children. This one will indirectly help your marriage. Don’t push all of the “watching kid duty” to your wife. Just as being a good husband is an important aspect of being a good father, being a good father is an important aspect of being a good husband. Don’t just give your kids an iPad. Play with them. Play freeze tag. Play hide and go seek. Play imagination games like keeping house or army, etc. Play sports with them. Teach them life skills like how to ride a bike and how to swim. Tell them stories. Your wife will love you if you do these things and so will your kids.

Ladies, you are not off the hook!

• Food. Guys love it. Someone very wise once said the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
• Build up your husband. Be supportive of his work, career, and ministry. Say positive things about him both in public and in private.
• Do not nag. Don’t try to correct every small flaw you see in him. You don’t need to remind him every time to put away his shoes, not eat in bed, or stop eating unhealthy food. You are not his mother. And he is a man, not a child (even though he may act like one sometimes). Find the right time to discuss issues rather than every time one by one.
• Be content. A man may feel self-worth in correlation to how well he takes care of his family. Do not complain about your house or living conditions. Instead, be verbally appreciative and supportive.
• Be sensitive. If he is just back from a long day at work it may not be the right time to share all of your day’s difficulties with him.
• Be romantic. Surprise your husband. Use your creativity and imagination.
• Consult your husband. Do not make big decisions or spend lots of money without talking to your husband first (husbands should also talk to wives first before doing this). The Bible says for wives to respect their husbands. God knows that husbands want to feel respected so do so by consulting them instead of acting on your own.
• Give him some freedom. Offer to watch the children while he goes out to play a sport. Even better, offer to go with him to watch him play. Even best, offer to go out and play with him.
• Be a good mother. Make time to spend with them doing fun things. Be creative. Do art or music or cooking with your kids. Your husband will love you and respect you more as he sees and appreciates how you treat the children. At the same time, do not ignore your husband in favor of the new baby or young children.

You know your own spouse. Don’t be satisfied with a marriage that scores a 5 out of 10 or an 8 out of 10. Make it better. The marriage relationship is work. A good relationship doesn’t come naturally or easily. Choose several of the ideas on the list and start doing them regularly. If you do, you will find that your marriage will be much more rewarding than before.

3. Singles should prepare for a good marriage before marriage –

• Focus on glorifying God now as a single. Instead of setting your mind on marriage. Set your mind on the things above.
• Be equally yoked. Marry a believer so that you can have a marriage that honors God.
• Discuss important issues together and find agreement before marriage.
• Observe your potential spouse in real-life situations to get to know them as well as possible. Some people say, “He changed after we got married!” He probably didn’t. You just didn’t know him well.
• Study the Word and Christian books to learn as much as possible about having a strong marriage before getting married.
• Set clear guidelines for any relationship in order to both limit temptation and set a wise, course.
• Get Christian counsel and accountability partners.
• Do not say “I do” unless you are sure. No matter how much you want to get married. One thing that is definitely worse than being single is being married to the wrong person.