Ephesians 4:25-32 – The New You

Key Idea: We should live a changed life by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Intro

Our church recently went on a mission trip to Brazil. But it was quite far away. Caleb (my 16 year-old son) and I flew in the evening and it took about 40 hours to get there (we were going from China) so we missed two nights of sleep. After traveling a long distance by plane with little sleep, I feel somehow detached from my body. Like my body is shutting down, but my eyes are still open. The night when we arrived a church invited us to come and speak. Another member of our team shared. I have never had such a hard time staying awake. Not because of his message, but because I was so sleepy. After the service and the post-service pleasantries, some of the team went out for BBQ. I love BBQ, but said I had to get some sleep. I went back to the room and crashed. In the morning, I took a shower and put on a fresh set of clothes. After sleep, shower, and new clothes I felt like a new person. Fresh. Awake. Alive again. Have you ever felt like that? Almost dead one die and alive the next?

Today our passage is about the “New You.” It is about putting off the old self and putting on the new. Spiritually, we are to do this every day. Then and only then can we live the spiritual life that God calls us to.

Ephesians 4:25-32 – Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

In the original Bible, there were no chapter and verse numbers. The whole book of Ephesians was one continuous letter from Paul to the church. To understand today’s passage, we need to go back to last week’s passage. In verse 17, Paul tells us that we “no longer walk” as we once did. We don’t live dark, ignorant lives alienated from God anymore. Paul lists several sins and says, “that is not the way you learned Christ.”

He then says to “put off your old self” and to “put on the new self.”

Being a follower of Jesus is more than raising your hand to an invitation or praying the sinner’s prayer.

Believers are called to live a changed life, to be different than what we were.

The passage today is very practical. Paul gives a list of numerous different “old self” behaviors to avoid and of many “new self” behaviors to pursue. These can be divided into four areas.

A. New speech
B. New attitudes
C. New direction
D. New identity

I. New Speech

A. Truthful Speech

Ephesians 4:25 – Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.

As believers, we don’t believe the lies of the enemy anymore. The lies of materialism, hedonism, and evolution. The lie that we can live a full life apart from God.

Since we now know and believe in the truth, we are also called to speak the truth.

One thing that most parents teach their children very early is to not tell lies. We know the commandment to “Not bear false witness against thy neighbor.”

Yet falsehood is more than just outright lying. There are many ways that falsehood may subtly sneak into our lives. Here are some types of lying that we may not often think about.

• White lies
o “Yes, that tastes good.” “That looks good on you.”
• Deception
• Misleading or spinning
o Telling only one part of a story that makes us look good
• Cheating
• Betraying a confidence
• Breaking a promise
o Telling our children that we will take them to the park and then not going
• Breaking a contract
• Falsifying paperwork
• Giving false information to customers or factories
• Covering up the truth
• Overcommitting
o Agreeing to take a responsibility and then not fulfilling it
• Flattery
• Pretending to be something we are not
o Chameleon Christians
o Pretending to be more educated, more spiritual, or wealthier than we are.
• Hypocrisy
• Exaggeration
• Feigning forgetfulness
• Fake apologies
• “I’m on my way” when we are not or “I will pray for you” and then not
• False humility

There are many types of lies.

Lies of Speech – What we say
Lies of Silence – What we don’t say
Lies of image – Presenting ourselves in a way that is not true
Lies of the heart – Lying even in our own hearts before God

When we look at a list like this, we can truly understand the verse that there is “None good, no not one.” Which one of us can say we have not done any of these things?

Paul says that we are to put off these lies and speak the truth with our neighbor. We are to be sincere, open, honest, and genuine. We are to let our “yes” be “yes” and our “no” be “no.” We are to be honest about ourselves and our weaknesses. A follower of Jesus must not on the one hand say, “I am with Jesus” and on the other hand continue in dishonesty and say “Everyone is doing it.”

Consider your own relationships. Have you allowed any of these various forms of falsehood to gain a foothold on your life?

The truth will set you free. When you live in the light you will not need to look over your shoulder, worried about being discovered in some lie. You will be on a solid foundation.

The reason – “We are members one of another.” We are part of the same body. How would a physical body function if the eyes lied to the feet? All the parts of the body answer to the head which makes sure that the messages being passed along the nervous system are accurate. Then all the members of the body can work together in unity.

We may be tempted to stretch the truth to cover our weaknesses and make it appear that we are strong. But doing that means we don’t get the help we need to grow.

B. Constructive Speech

Ephesians 4:29 – Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths.”

This is what to avoid. Corrupting talk is words that harm, discourage, belittle, and tear down the listener. They are the opposite of words that build up.

In the book of Nehemiah, the people of Israel were building the wall. Their enemies attempted to discourage them.

Nehemiah 4:2-3 – And he said in the presence of his brothers and of the army of Samaria, “What are these feeble Jews doing? Will they restore it for themselves? Will they sacrifice? Will they finish up in a day? Will they revive the stones out of the heaps of rubbish, and burned ones at that?” Tobiah the Ammonite was beside him, and he said, “Yes, what they are building—if a fox goes up on it he will break down their stone wall!”

Corrupting talk is like this. It disheartens. It discourages. It takes away the listener’s confidence and enthusiasm, their spark.

Examples of corrupting talk –

• Being overly critical – Picking out others’ flaws while failing to appreciate their positive points. A 2019 Harvard Business Review found that in productive teams the ratio of encouraging comments to critical ones was 5 or 6 to 1.
• Rudeness and insults
• Dishonest evaluations – You “always” are late. You “never” clean up after yourself.
• Harsh words – “You will never amount to anything.” “You are a failure.” If you say things like this often enough, the person might start to believe it.
• Unkind humor – Telling jokes at others’ expense when they aren’t laughing.
• Gossip – Speaking poorly of others behind their backs. This creates division and is not helpful. If there is really an issue, go to them directly.
• Complaining – Grumbling can be infectious, divisive and demotivating. (Exodus example)

Reflect back on when your words hurt someone. Take that to God and ask Him to help you use self-control so that you don’t hurt others with your speech.

You may have heard the saying, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” There is a bit of truth there. It is better not to speak than to tear people down with your words. Yet God did give us a tongue and the ability to communicate. The tongue can be a powerful destructive force, but it can also be a powerful force to build.

This verse says that we are to use our words to build people up as fits the occasion that they may give grace to those who hear.

Your words can be a powerful force for building up the body.

Think back on your own life. Reflect on a time when someone’s words had a powerful impact on you.

• The first time I did the MC role at church a brother came up to me afterward and gave positive reinforcement. He said that the way I did one specific part was really good. Those few simple words have stuck with me over a decade and I still try to keep doing what he mentioned to me.

Proverbs 15:23 – To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is!

• Comfort
• Encouragement
• Understanding
• Correction
• Affection

Which is easier, to build or tear down (lego palace vs pile of legos picture)?

Tearing down is much easier. These kinds of words are our old self kind of words. We often say them naturally without thinking.

To build something, we need to put thought and care into it.

Hebrews 10:24 says to “Consider how to spur on another on toward love and good deeds.”

You need to proactively plan out what kinds of words will build up the people around you. You need to study and learn them. You need to think over past experiences. Consider what types of words will motivate them and build them up.

• What does your daughter need to hear to help her overcome being preoccupied with her image?
• What does your son need to hear to help him overcome spending too much time on video games?
• What does your wife need to hear to help her practice patience and kindness with her mother?
• What does your husband need to hear to help encourage him take more responsibility in leading the family in devotions?
• What does the brother or sister in church need to hear to help encourage them to serve?

The old self us goes through life not really caring. We just say whatever. Paul tells us to put off the old self speech and put on the new self speech. This is a conscious decision.

Are you the type of person that people want to be around and listen to? Do they leave an interaction with you refreshed, encouraged, and edified?

II. New Attitudes

Putting on the new self means a new attitude.

Ephesians 4:26-27 – Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.

Ephesians 4:31 – Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

If you look only at verse 31, it would appear that all anger is wrong. However, we need to look at the full context. Verse 26 makes it clear that some anger is not sinful. In fact, it says “Be angry.” Sometimes we should be.

Righteous anger –

A person who has righteous anger is upset when God’s moral code is violated, when the weak are mistreated.

Here are some examples:
• Jesus was angry at the people doing business in the temple
• Be angry about human trafficking
• Be angry that abortion is legalized and promoted
• Be angry when a woman is domestically abused.

The opposite of righteous anger is apathy.

Those who are apathetic are preoccupied with themselves and too busy to care about others. God does not want us to be apathetic.

I read a story about a little girl who was hit by a vehicle. She lay on the side of the road, injured, bleeding, and crying, while person after person passed her by. Later, camera footage showed fourteen people walking past without assisting her. Many saw her and then looked at their phones and turned away. They were apathetic. Such a scene should make us angry. Angry at the driver who left. Angry at a society that is too busy surfing social media to help someone in need.

Righteous anger should move you to action, but not any action which crosses God’s line. Paul says that in your anger, you should not sin and you should not let the sun go down on your anger.

Selfish Anger

A more common type of anger is selfish anger. This type of anger is prompted by people mistreating us or violating our perceived rights.

Our selfish anger may be a reaction to things like:

• People cutting in line
• Other drivers’ poor driving habits
• Being insulted
• Being disrespected

Paul mentioned four attitudes that often accompany this type of anger:

• Bitterness – Anger can cause you to develop a bitter spirit toward others. This bitterness may not be explosive, but it is lodged deep in your heart and will seep out, often through your tone and facial expressions.
• Wrath – This is explosive and destructive anger. It is the smashing furniture, physical violence, pounding your horn, and profanity.
• Clamor – Screaming or yelling at someone. We have probably all witnessed this when we are walking on the street and suddenly hear two people going at it.
• Slander – Actively seeking to hurt someone by tearing them down and lying about them behind their backs.

Other attitudes associated with anger could include resentment, strife, and a desire for revenge (angry person normally call it “justice”).

This passage does not mean that having feelings is wrong. We may be frustrated when someone cuts in line. It is about what we do with those feelings. If handled the wrong way, those feelings can grow into resentment and bitterness.

Sometimes we hold on to anger because it feels good. Paul tells us that doing so is very dangerous. When we hold on to anger, it gives the devil a foothold in our lives. The anger that is not dealt with will grow and spread and infect many other areas of our life. Christian counselors say that around 50% of cases are related to anger.

He tells us to quickly deal with the anger, “Do not let the sun go down on your anger.” We should deal with each day’s anger before we move on to the next.

Before my wife and I got married, one respected couple shared this verse with us, suggesting that we make it our own and agree never to go to sleep angry with one another. We have attempted to follow this in the 18 years we have been married and following this principle has been very helpful. Sometimes we didn’t sleep until very late, but in general we have been able to solve problems before they grow.

Paul then tells us the secret formula to solve the problem of anger. Go ahead and ask the person next to you, “What is the solution to anger?”

Kindness and forgiveness

Ephesians 4:32 – Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

When we refuse to forgive, we usurp God’s role as judge, jury, and executioner.

Forgiveness is not only for the perpetrator’s good. Forgiveness will help you release your bitterness so that you can move forward. How can you draw close and fellowship with God while harboring anger in your heart?

Proverbs 16:32 – Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.

So we are called to put off the old attitude of anger and put on the new attitude of forgiveness.

Take a moment to think about your relationships. Is there anyone you have unsettled bitterness, resentment, or anger toward?

I pray that you will deal with that today and not let the sun go down again on your anger. Forgive that person. Ask God for help to do it. He will help you.

III. New Direction

Ephesians 4:28 – Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need.

Another old self action to put off is stealing. It says, “Let the thief no longer steal.” We are not to keep doing the same things we were doing.

What comes to your mind when you hear the word “steal?”

We might think of robbing a bank or pickpockets. But there are other forms of dishonest gain as well.

• Evading taxes
• Clocking in at work but playing games or watching YT instead of working.
• Asking someone else to clock in for us.
• Plagiarism
• Borrowing money and not paying it back
• Cheating buyers by substituting lower quality materials than promised

We are called to be different. Let us not say, “Everyone is doing it.” Let us not say, “As a businessman I HAVE to do that or I can’t make a profit.”

Romans 12:2 – Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind…

Let us put off all dishonest forms of financial gain and get rich quick schemes and pursue honest work. If you do, God will take care of you.

See the goal of making money. He doesn’t say, “So that you can spend it on your pleasures” or “So that you will have a luxurious retirement.” He says, “So that he may have something to share with anyone in need.”

We are to be good stewards of the money we make and use it wisely for God’s kingdom. A goal of making money is so that we can generously share it with those who have need.

That means that not only our external behaviors are to change after coming to Christ, but our internal motivations are to change. We are not living for ourselves anymore, but for others.

Do you have a new direction? Is that showing up even in your career?

IV. Conclusion – New Identity

Review

We have seen “the what.” Believers are to have a changed life, to put off the old and put on new speech, new attitudes, and a new direction.

Now we will look at “why” and “how?”

The answer to both questions is that we have a new identity.

Ephesians 4:30 – And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

The why –

We are to put off those old self clothes we talked about because we do not want to grieve the Holy Spirit. We are to in turn put on the new self clothes because we want to please Him. These actions are not just a list of rules to go through and check. It is not just doing the thing. God looks at the heart. The why we do it should be to please God.

Do you often think of the question, “Would the Holy Spirit be happy if I do this?” Do you not do things because you know the Holy Spirit will be sad?

The US Declaration of Independence says that every person has the right to chase after the “pursuit of happiness.” That is how most people live, pursuing their own happiness.

But this is not a Biblical idea. We are not supposed to live to please ourselves, but God.

The how –

We were sealed by Him. A seal is something that an Emperor would use to mark his authority, ownership, or protection over something. Our new identity is that we belong to the Lord. The Holy Spirit is actively keeping and sanctifying us until the day when our redemption is fully complete and we receive perfect, sinless bodies in heaven.

He gives us a new identity and then helps us to live out that identity in our day-to-day life.

He is our Helper and our Guide.

John 14:26 – But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.

We couldn’t live out this new life on our own. That is where the Holy Spirit comes in to help us.

Ezekiel 36:27 – And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules.

You know the things God calls you to do. You know you are to live a changed life. Are you trying to that in your own power or by the power of the Spirit?

The Holy Spirit is your Companion. He wants to help you. If you will rely on Him, He will help you live out a changed life.

Illustration – Paying taxes

Over ten years ago, I was teaching for a training center. They were paying me in such a way as to minimize my taxes. When I asked about it, they said, “Don’t worry, we do this to help all of our employees.” The Holy Spirit convicted me that it was wrong, but I also knew that if they paid the full taxes I would have significantly less salary every month. Finally, the Holy Spirit gave me the boldness to go to the HR department. I told them, “I want you to pay full taxes for me.” So they did. I received around 10-15% less income each month. But I knew God was pleased. I was too. The truth had set me free. From that time until now, I can testify that God has never once ceased to abundantly take care of us and provide for our needs.

God calls you to new speech, new attitudes, and a new direction. But He doesn’t leave you to do it on your own. He gives us a new identity and then empowers us to live it out.

Don’t try to do it through your own power. Come to Him and simply say, “Help me. I need you. I can’t do it on my own.” And He will come and help.

Discussion Question –

What is one “old self” practice you need to put off or one “new self” practice you need to put on? How can you rely on the Holy Spirit for help as you do this?