These small group studies of Matthew 10:34-42 contain outlines, cross-references, Bible study discussion questions, verse by verse commentary, and applications. Visit our library of inductive Bible studies for more in depth inductive studies on this and other books of the Bible you can use in your small group.
Matthew 10:34-42 Bible Study – Giving Everything Yet Receiving More
I. The Cost of Discipleship (34-42)
Discussion Questions
• Why did Jesus say He came to bring a sword and not peace? What does He want us to be ready for?
• Why should you love God more than your own family?
• In what kind of cases would you have to make a choice between the two? Can you share any examples of when you have had to choose between obeying God or family?
• What does it mean to take up your cross?
• Define “find your life.” Define “loses their life.”
• How can you apply verses 40-42? How should we treat other believers?
Cross-References
John 8:31-32 – So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
John 13:34-35 – A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
Luke 14:26-33 – Verses on discipleship.
Galatians 5:24 – And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
Mark 8:34 – And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.
Some of the below points can be found in my study of Mark at: https://studyandobey.com/inductive-bible-study/mark-series/mark8-34-9-9.html
Verse by Verse Commentary
1. Did Jesus come to bring peace? –
Matthew 10:34-36 – “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household.
Luke 2:14 – “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!”
When we compare with Luke 2:14 we can see two sides of the coin. The peace will come to the whole earth eventually when Jesus reigns as King. Until then, the peace is only in the hearts of His believers. While they have His peace in their hearts, their lives may be full of afflictions and persecutions. Their families may be torn in two.
While this is happening to the families of believers all over the world, it is especially evident in the Muslim world where believers are sometimes killed by their family members in so-called “honor killings.” Jesus knew that believers would be rejected and persecuted by their own family members. And nonetheless He wants them to stand firm because an absence of conflict or a smooth life is not the most important thing. Salvation is.
2. The cost of discipleship –
Matthew 10:37 – Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
Jesus was not saying that believers should forsake their families.
Later, while hanging on the cross, he told John to take care of His mother (John 19:25-27). Also, Jesus said that the common practice of children giving what they had to God when their parents needed help was wrong (Mark 7:11). In John 2, Jesus supernaturally helped Mary when she came to him with a need, even though it wasn’t according to His planned schedule.
Other biblical passages tell us we must honor our parents.
Ephesians 6:2-3 – “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
Our physical family is very important. Paul said that if we don’t care for the members of our family, we are worse than unbelievers.
1 Timothy 5:8 – But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
However, many believers are tempted to place the opinions and commands of family members above the commands of God, who is our heavenly Father.
You can see this with married couples where one spouse still listens to his parents first instead of creating a new family unit as the Bible says (Genesis 2:24).
You can also see this happen when a child decides not to continue following God because of pressure from his parents. Those who go down this road have made the decision that their physical family is more important than their spiritual family. This is the wrong decision. Jesus says in this passage that He came to bring a sword, not peace.
In the early New Testament period, many Jews who placed their faith in Jesus would be disowned by their families and cast out of the synagogues. Throughout the centuries since, believers have often faced persecution from their own families. Jesus taught that when there was a contradiction, His followers should put Him first.
Application – Your loyalty to God should be higher than to your physical family. If your family pressures you to do something contrary to God’s Word, obey Him first.
A believer must love God more than everything else. Here we see clearly the cost of discipleship. It is not all fun and games. It is not health and wealth. It may be very difficult. You may face serious persecution even from your own family members. Will you choose to love God first? Are you willing to face the cost no matter how severe?
3. Take up his cross and follow me –
Reflect – What does it mean to take up your cross and follow Jesus?
In that culture, a cross was not yet a symbol of grace or salvation or forgiveness. It was a symbol of death. The Romans performed many crucifixions so the Jews listening to Jesus would have been very familiar with it and probably have personally seen many people hanging on the cross.
What they didn’t know was that following Christ meant that they would face a very real danger of persecution, some to the point of death. What Jesus is saying is that “To follow Me, you have to be prepared even to die.” You have to be prepared to give up everything you have, even your life. We know that all of the disciples except for John did indeed give their lives for Jesus. Many other Christians in the early church did as well.
This is something that the crowds wouldn’t have expected. Wouldn’t the Messiah save them from the Romans? Wouldn’t He make them rich and prosperous? Wouldn’t He set up His own kingdom? Why would following Jesus bring death? And if it did, what is the point?
Perhaps the crowd thought that following Jesus meant witnessing miracles and receiving benefits such as free food. Jesus is going to show them that there is a cost to following Him. It requires real commitment and sacrifice.
Following Jesus is more than just saying the words or enjoying the good gifts He gives.
Jesus often gave similar warnings.
Matthew 7:21 – Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.
Reflect – Do you want to follow after Jesus? Would a neutral observer of your life believe that you are following Him?
He must deny himself…and follow Me.
Denying oneself and following Jesus are integral components of what it means to be a disciple. It requires sacrifice. It requires submitting our goals, desires, plans, and our very lives to Christ. Jesus should be the Lord of our life.
While salvation is free because we cannot earn it, there is a very real cost to following Christ. There will be some things that we want to do, which Christ will say “No, you cannot.”
A true disciple doesn’t merely follow Christ when he feels like it or when he wants the same thing that Christ does. For example, confessing our sins to God is something we should do, but we also want to receive forgiveness. In this case, our will often aligns with God’s.
At times it may be more difficult to forgive others. When Jesus tells us to forgive the person who has hurt us deeply our flesh might say, “I don’t want to.” It is when our will is out of alignment with his that we have a decision to make.
Do we want to follow Christ?
If the answer is “yes” then the only way to do that is to obey His will instead of our own.
To put it another way, as sheep we are called to follow the Shepherd and His way instead of going our own way.
Isaiah 53:6 – All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.
Denying ourselves doesn’t necessarily mean giving up all the things that we like and becoming a monk. It doesn’t mean we inflict pain or discomfort on ourselves for no reason. It doesn’t mean I can’t eat the cake because it is too enjoyable and God doesn’t want me to have anything nice. Martin Luther came to see the senselessness of practicing self-abasement and torture as a means to please God.
Reflect – What does it mean to deny yourself?
It means that we are called to subject our will to His. If my desire conflicts with His, then I say, “Yes, Lord” and deny my own desire.
If God asks me to move to a rural area, I have to be willing to say “Yes, Lord.” If I am overweight and I know God wants me to honor Him with my body then I may need to say “No” to the cake.
Every day there are many opportunities to apply this. What choices did you face today where there was a cost to following Christ?
Some daily choices include giving up our time to pray and read the Word, giving up our “rights” by showing patience or compassion to those who don’t deserve it, and giving up ourselves to serve others and love the unlovable.
This is a key part of being a disciple. It requires sacrifice. It requires submitting ourselves, our goals, our desires, and our plans to Christ. It requires making Christ the Lord of our life. While salvation is free because we cannot earn it, there is a very real cost to following Christ. There will be some things that we want to do, which Christ will say “No, you cannot.”
Jesus’ disciples were not perfect. They had many weaknesses and flaws. But did they deny themselves in order to follow Christ? Absolutely.
Application – Consider if any of your desires are taking priority over God’s. Is there anything you need to give up to align your will with His?
Jesus is saying, “To follow Me, you have to be prepared to die.” Following Jesus could cost them their lives. For the crowds listening to Jesus, it was a shocking statement. Most of them believed that the Messiah would be a political hero and after saving them from their enemies set up a glorious kingdom. Now Jesus was telling them that signing up on the dotted line to become His disciple would likely cost them their life!
John 15:18 – If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you.
Jesus warned them that it was not going to be all roses. All of the disciples except for John did indeed give their lives for Jesus. Many other Christians in the early church did as well, starting with Stephen (Acts 7).
The crowds would have been stunned by this statement. If following Jesus resulted in death, they might ask, “What is the point?”
Once while in a restrictive Asian country, I was at a Bible study for seekers. A young lady attendee asked why she should believe in Jesus if it meant that she would face persecution.
Reflect – How would you answer her question?
Another guy asked if he believed in Jesus would Jesus help him immigrate to New Zealand.
How would you answer this question?
Many people consider whether to believe in God based on what they can gain from it, rather than its truth. The person asking about New Zealand admitted he didn’t care about the truth of the Bible, just about immigrating successfully. Similarly, people often want to know what they can get from believing in Christ. Jesus responds clearly: “If you believe in Me, it may cost you your life.” On its surface, this isn’t a very appealing offer. However, in the next verse, there’s more to the story.
4. Gain eternal life –
Matthew 10:39 – Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
This verse shows that there is a certain irony in following Christ. You have to give up your life in order to gain it.
I think it is helpful to understand a verse by giving an example from our everyday life. I have two daughters. Although I teach them to share, shockingly they don’t always do it. From time to time, I can hear one of them shouting, “It’s mine!” When I hurry into the room, one girl is running away from her sister with her hands clenched around a toy. She desperately wants to keep this toy for her own and is not willing to share.
What do you think I will do in this situation?
If both of them are at fault, I take the toy, explaining that neither of them can have it because they are both being selfish. This is what this verse is talking about. The best way to get joy is not by putting yourself first, but it is by putting others first. Ironically, you get joy by giving it away.
Many people go through their lives saying, “I will not deny myself. It is my life, my money, my house, my career, and my time. I will use them how I want to because I earned them!” Jesus says that this person loses his life. His soul has been forfeited and sold because he lives his life for himself rather than for God whom he was created to serve. The harsh reality is that his money cannot be taken with him. His house will collapse and rot one day. He will have all the time in the world as he spends eternity receiving justice for his selfishness and remembering how he wasted his time on his own desires (Luke 12:13-21).
But there is another choice.
Going back to my example, sometimes my daughters play nicely together. I have seen them happily sharing and rolling a car back and forth. It looks like when they roll the car away, it is gone and they lose their chance to play with it. But then it is rolled back. Because they “give up” this car they can keep playing with it. And their fun and joy can be all the more because they have someone to share it with.
If we deny ourselves (Romans 12:1-2), that is the evidence that our relationship with God is real. Not only do we have eternal life, but this life on earth can be filled with joy
Acts 20:35 – In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’
Looking out for number one will not give you joy. The word JOY can be taken as an acronym.
J – Jesus
O – Others
Y – Yourself
To have true joy, you should put Jesus first, others second, and yourself last.
Mark 8:36 – For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?
Suggested reading – Luke 12:13-21 – Parable of the Rich Fool
This verse reminds me of many famous, evil rulers in history (Herod the Great, Hitler, etc.) They spent their entire lives killing and scheming to further their own ambitions. For a time, they gained power and wealth, but it cost them their soul.
However, Jesus’ statement here doesn’t only apply to evil dictators. It applies to everyone, from the poorest farmer in rural Vietnam to rich Russian oligarchs. Unfortunately, a love of money and materials has corrupted many people.
Once I had some dinner guests. While enjoying the nice meal that my wife made, one of the guests openly admitted to scamming people by selling fake eggs (Yes, in some Asian countries that is a real thing). It wasn’t shared as a past indiscretion that she was ashamed of. Instead, she was bragging about her creative entrepreneurial ability! We tried to use questions to get her to see that this was wrong. She told us that she personally would not eat them. And when asked if her customers knew they were fake, she laughed, “If they knew they were fake, they wouldn’t buy them!” Even though she would admit that she wouldn’t want to be scammed in this way, she saw no issue in scamming others.
Why did she do it? Money. Perhaps she earned $50 or $500. The same lady also said that she purposely added a little bit of water into bottles when taking them to the recycling place because she could sell them for more due to their larger weight.
The last time she went there, she sold bottles for $8. Probably only $1 of that was due to water added to the bottles. She sold her integrity for $1.
It is possible for rich or poor people to love money and sell their integrity for it.
The verse says that even if we gain the whole world, it is not worth giving up our soul for. Here is logic.
A. The world is not enough to give up your soul for.
B. If the world is not enough to give up your soul for, then nothing short of the world is enough either.
Satan actually offered Jesus the world in exchange for worshiping him. Jesus refused (Matthew 4:1-11).
Satan is using the same temptation to snare many people today. Sometimes he promises the world, immense power, riches, or fame. Other times, he offers a dollar.
Hopefully we would not take either.
Application – What will you give in exchange for your soul? Are you for sale? Will you give up your integrity for $1? $100? $10,000? A true disciple of Christ should be willing to put God first no matter how much it costs them. Take some time to prayerfully evaluate your life. Is there any are that you are comprising your integrity for financial gain? Confess it and do what is necessary to come back to the right path.
Suggested Movie – I recommend watching the movie Flywheel. It shows this verse in action.
5. Whoever loses his life for my sake will find it –
This verse shows that there is a certain irony in following Christ. You have to give up something in order to get it. I think it is helpful to understand a verse by giving an example from our everyday life. I have two sons. Although I teach them to share, they don’t always do it. From time to time I can hear one of them shouting, “It’s mine!!!” When I hurry into the room I may see JoJo running away from Caleb with his hands clenched around a toy. He desperately wants to keep this toy for his own and is not willing to share. What do you think I will do in this situation? I will tell JoJo to give it to me. As I take the toy I explain that neither of them can have it because they are both being selfish. This is what this verse is talking about.
Many people go through their life saying, “I will not deny myself. It is my life, my money, my house, my career, and my time. I will use them how I want to because I earned them.” Jesus says that this person loses his life. His soul has been forfeited, sold because he lives his life for himself rather than for the God he was created to serve. The harsh reality is that his money cannot be taken with him, his house will collapse and rot one day, and he will have all the time in the world for eternity in judgment remembering how he wasted his time on his own desires.
But there is another choice. Going back to my example, sometimes my sons play nicely together. I have seen them happily sharing and rolling a car back and forth. It looks like when they roll the car away, it is gone and they lost their chance to play with it. And then it is rolled back. Because they “give up” this car they can keep playing with it. If we deny ourselves (Romans 12:1-2), that is the evidence that our relationship with God is real. Not only do we have eternal life, but this life on earth can be filled with joy just as the classic verse, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.”
6. Verses 40-42 – We will face persecutions by unbelievers. But how should believers treat each other? What should we expect from other members of God’s family? We are to receive each other. We are to serve each other. We are to share with each other. Our own families may not treat us like family members, but we have another family in Christ. And we should treat brothers and sisters in the Lord like valued family members.
Jesus promises that there is a reward for showing kindness to His prophets, the righteous, and His disciples. Last week we discussed how important it is for people in the church to show kindness to those who are being persecuted for their faith.
Reflect – Do you know anyone who is facing persecution for their faith? How can you reach out to them with kindness?
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Meet the Author: Jason Dexter has been serving the Lord overseas in the 10/40 Window for more than twenty years, making disciples, teaching the Bible, and equipping believers to understand and apply God’s Word. These Bible studies were written by him, not by AI.
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Very nice lesson! But unfortunally, I did not understand the versicle 42 that much. Could you give a lesson on it?
Very insightful. I need more of this. More grace to continue showing us Christ.