This is a 5 lesson Christian courtship Bible study for premarital counseling. It can be used by the couple themselves to study together or by a counselor guiding the couple to the Biblical truths regarding relationships, courtship, dating, and marriage. Rather than a lecture where the teacher or counselor tells all of his opinions about marriage, the goal of this study is to lead the couple themselves to discover the Biblical truth and important principles on marriage. Thus it is an interactive study where all are encouraged to participate and carefully study the Word to understand what God is telling us. Both sides should come to the Word with an open heart and freely share their own thoughts, questions, or doubts. By so doing you can get to know each other better as well as the Lord.
Courtship Bible Study for Premarital Counseling – Lesson 2 – Rules of Communication
Lesson 2: Four Rules of Communication
Romans 3:10-12 – Do you think that your relationship will have conflicts? Why or why not?
25 – What command about communication can you find in this verse? What is the negative which you should NOT do? What is the positive which you should do? What are some ways you might be tempted to deal with problems instead of “speaking?” Why is it so important to speak? Can you think of biblical examples where the principle to “speak” was not followed? (Isaac and Rebekah fail to communicate, Genesis 27. Rachel doesn’t communicate with Jacob and it almost costs her life, Genesis 31:32)
What are the root causes of miss-communication? Have you had any miss-communications in your relationship? How can these be solved?
4:15 – What attitude should motivate you in your communication? Can you think of any biblical examples where people either did or did not speak the truth in love? (cf: 2 Samuel 12. Genesis 37:9) What is the difference between just “speaking the truth” and “speaking the truth in love?”
Case Study 1: Your wife makes a special effort to cook a nice meal for you. It doesn’t taste good. What should you do?
Case Study 2: Your husband has been steadily gaining weight since marriage. Now you are eating out together with friends after church. Your husband orders the least healthy item on the menu. What should you do?
Colossians 4:6 – What should the goal of your communication with each other be? When should you practice this principle to communicate with grace and sensitivity?
Rule 1: Be Honest
Ephesians 4:26-27 – Is anger an acceptable emotion in your relationship? Why or why not? When is anger acceptable? What “rule of communication” is seen in the the second half of verse 26? Why is it important in a marriage to not let your anger or hurt feelings carry over to the next day? How would a failure to solve each day’s problems that day affect your future relationship? What are some reasons why couples may not deal with problems quickly?
1 Peter 4:8, Matthew 18:22 – What can learn from these verses about the key to dealing with problems or arguments in your relationship?
For each of the following verses write down a question you should ask yourselves before discussing a problem/disagreement together.
Example: Do I have the facts right?
Proverbs 15:23, Ecclesiastes 3:1,8
Example: Is this the right time?
Example: Have I prayed for God’s help?
Example: Have I confessed my own sin?
Example: Am I being humble?
Rule 2: Solve problems quickly and gracefully
Ephesians 4:29-30 – What principle of communication can you learn from this verse? How can you relate this verse to solving problems in marriage? What should be the goal of your communication? What does edify mean?
1 Thessalonians 5:11 – What does it mean to build up others? How can you do this? Write down 5 areas you should make an effort to build up your partner in.
James 3:5-12 – What are the dangers of the tongue? Write down any cases where your words hurt your partner. What should do about those issues? (Confess) What practical ways can you control your tongue the next time?
Proverbs 12:18, 15:1, 16:27 – How can you avoid a conflict before it starts? What are some unhealthy methods of communication which can make a conflict worse?
Matthew 5:9, 24 – What can we learn from these verses about solving problems? How can you be a peacemaker?
Rule 3: Attack the Problem, Not the Person
Ephesians 4:31-32 – Make a list of all the actions that must be “put off.”What does each one mean? Which one is the biggest struggle/temptation for you? How can you overcome this?
Make a list of all the actions that must be “put on.” Write down three ways you can show kindness and tenderheartedness toward your partner in communication. Is it important that you communicate forgiveness toward your partner or just forgive them from your heart? Why or why not?
James 1:19 – What is you natural reaction when your partner points out a problem or sin in your life? Can you think of any time in your relationship when you did not respond well to this? What principles in this verse should guide you the next time your partner corrects you?
Rule 4: Act, don’t react!
Homework: Read Genesis 27. Write out what marriage problems Isaac and Rebekah had and how they could have used effective communication to better their marriage and strengthen their family. Include Bible verses in your “counsel” for Isaac and Rebekah.